Email Received October 6, 2010

Well, fall has really begun: we had our first real frost this past Saturday. Leaves are turning all kinds of beautiful colors (I'll get you some pics soon, I hope) and the corn is coming down a field at a time. We're starting to see sprinklers come out (I wasn't sure they used sprinklers in Illinois... this place is wet and muddy) and at the same time people are getting ready to blow out their sprinkler systems. Halloween decorations are out, and candy is in all the stores. (No thank you, I still have some left over from my birthday.)

I want to apologize if my last e-mail worried anyone. I'm not really freaking out or at all worried about the future, because I know you all have my back. ^_^ I'm just kind of struggling with the fact that for the first time in my life, I actually know what I want to do. I have goals and dreams, and they bring with them some mental and spiritual changes I have to make. I am trying to get things a little firmer in my mind, but the future will come when it comes. Right now I'm in the mission. I just don't want to be like the missionaries who get out and don't even know where to begin. FYI, I read two great talks that helped me immensely on just that topic the very next day, and I'm chill like a frost covered pumpkin .
Ok, that made no sense, but I like it.

The talks are:

David A. Bednar, “Things as They Really Are,” Liahona, Jun 2010, 22–31

Jan Pinborough, “Your Mission in Life Is Now,” Liahona, Jun 2010, 42–44

Work goes on. We're helping one of our on-date investigators get over a minor law-of-chastity hang-up. (He’s in a relationship where they were considering getting serious, but aren't yet.) We're focusing on the nature of covenants, the necessity of commandments, and putting God first in our lives. I think he'll be just fine; he's just got to tell his girlfriend what he wants.

Hermana Mendoza is going trunky in the oddest way. This is her last transfer, and I swear, she has cabin fever. During companionship study and weekly planning, she gets up and paces. She keeps saying she's tired of seeing the same four walls; that she wants to get out and DO something. It's funny, in a way.
Um, that's about it, for now. Sorry this letter so short. Hope all is well on the home front.

Sincerely,

Maren M Jones

Email Received September 29, 2010

Well, we turn the English area back over this week. We're no longer zebras. (Name for any missionary set that covers two languages). We feel a little relieved, because, quite honestly, we've not been able to do the ward justice. We feel good.

Next week, I finish a year as a missionary. I have mixed feelings. As a foreign-speaking sister, my ministerial certificate expires between two transfer dates, and I need to decide if I want to go home the transfer before or the transfer after. (Because of the 3 week difference in the MTC.) I'm not sure what my exact dates are, but I need to decide soon. I also need to know for sure if you guys are going to come pick me up. It feels weird - when I started my mission, the end seemed so far away... now it seems too close. I'm not sure If I'm anxious to go home or anxious to stay. I'm not trunky, but I've seen trunky often enough to wonder what it'll be like when I get there.

I've collected several notes on what I want to do with my life after the mission, what kind of traits I'll be looking for in my partner, how I want to change my schooling, but it's all a jumbled mess: How do I expect to design video games and be a successful mother? I mean, before the mission, I looked at a career as a placeholder and emergency backup, something I worked on while I was waiting to have a family, something I needed just in case I had to support them later on. I was totally OK with being a housewife - and when I hit the MTC, that desire to have a family doubled, as did my desire to go to a real school and get a real degree. Shortly after I hit the field, ideas started bumping around in my head, and one night it just hit me - I would just love to make video games! I really enjoyed my programming classes, and I did really well in them, too! And what a force for good I could be in a world that is drowned with violence and pornography! All of a sudden, I had direction in my life, for the first time since I was 10.

But is that really what I should do? I mean, I never planned to be a "classic" Mormon housewife, anymore than Mommy was. But how could I balance the two desires? As a game designer, I would have to meet and work with others regularly as a team - and these others would not share the same moral ideas as me, almost certainly would not be family oriented. (And I absolutely refuse to work in either Disney or Barbie games! I want to make GOOD games.) I mean, I already have experience dealing with that, because of who my friends have been, but, I would have to leave the home regularly... but I want to be there for my kids, too! I want to be a force in my home! I want to be ready when they walk in the door, want to do the laundry and clean the house. I mean, I have to figure out how I'm going to do this and soon, because I'm not going to wait to get married.

Pretty problem.

Nefi, a young man in the branch, get his mission call today, we think. We're both thrilled, and sad: this young man has been one of the driving forces in the branch for a long time. We're going to miss him for sure.

Ok, got to go. Love you all so much, and I really appreciate your help.